The game starts out with a recap of Kingdom Hearts and Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories, then it segues to a meeting of the minds or the Organization. Then some more scenes from KH. Then Roxas wakes up in his home in Twilight Town (yes, it's also a stage in KH: CoM). He meets up with his friends, but is all but distracted. And then he faints. Aha. You now take control of Roxas. Well, go on, yer friends are waiting (not like you can actually leave yet anyway). Blargh, I can't read all this text from here. *grumbles and moves closer to the screen* ... what? I'm old, gimme a break.

OK, now that I can actually see what I'm doing we can get on with this thing. Nobody really has anything useful to say (why'd they change the talk button anyway?), so just talk to the Accessory Shop lady (no other shops are open anyway). OK, well, seems we gotta get the cat back for the candy shop lady. Behold! The magic of locking onto things has restored the cat to the lady! ... and I really wanna know wtf they're saying. I'm not too good at playing fill-in-the-blank. You and the crew (hey, that rhymes!) run off to another area of Twilight Town. ... hey! Isn't that Vivi? *pokes Vivi* ... whaaaaa? Replay the who the what now? *flails* Holy crap.

OK, this is like in the beginning of KH where you get to choose what you're strongest and weakest in. I don't have a table this time around, but I'm going with the same choices I made in the original. You do what you want though. I chose the right stick thingy. ... "Quit playing around and fight"? He didn't even land one hit on me! Now the real fight begins. But it's no biggie, if you know how to fight right. Go in for a three hit combo, then circle around him cause he's about to attack and he ends up attacking air. Close in on him for another three-hit combo and if you're still close enough to him, whack away at him. There's no Dodge Roll ability, so you might end up taking a couple of hits (I got two), but the fight is over pretty quickly. Seifer's little cronies make excuses for him, and yer friend decides to take a picture. ... or not. ^O__o^ Man, those Nobody thingies are gymnastic freaks or somethin. You all chase after it and end up in the woods.

Follow the stupid thing into the Mansion section, and go up to the thing and hit Capture... for it to talk to you. Hmph, some capture. This fight is stupid. You can't even land one hit on the damn thing (probably cause you don't have a Keyblade, kinda like in the very beginning of KH you couldn't do damage to the Heartless until you received the Keyblade). Just run up to the thing and do a couple of Reverses and the battle is over. Holy bajeezus, am I psychic or what? Hello Keyblade! Now, kill that thing! Screw the Reversals this time around, just get up close and attack! Soon, the thing explodes into a load of goodies. Hurray! ... aw, man, the Keyblade went byebye. It no likey j00 anymore. Sowwy. :o(

Back in town, the mystery word is revealed: photo! ... well, that's rather unthrilling. The gang leaves and you're left to your own devices.

The scene switches to show a member of the Organization. Oh, hello DiZ. *waves* Wait, I thought he was the good guy? What does he want with poor Naminé? More KH flashbacks ensue. Of course, you realize all of these flashbacks are actually Roxas' dreams. Oh look, a twig. Can I poke people with it? I kinda lost my poking stick. I think Vivi stole it when I poked him earlier. ^>__<^ ... orrrrr you could just use it to hit a member of the Organization with. Sticks are not just for poking, ya know.

Back at the hideout, yer buddy says y'all should go to the beach. ... since when is there a beach in Twilight Town? You mean all throughout KH: CoM I was fighting baddies using stupid cards when I could've been lounging around on a freakin beach?! Hmph! Hey, look, an SP! ... yes, we are all aware that I am very easily distracted by shiney things. Oh look, you got your stick-thingy back. Well, you now have a map (a useful throwback from KH: CoM methinks). Hey, cool, a skateboard (*cough* rollerblades are better *cough*). Doing tricks on it doesn't really do anything special, it's just there for entertainment purposes. It does however make you go faster, so you might as well use it, although you don't really have very far to go. Struggle, ey? What is that, some kinda Coliseum ripoff? After a lot of math (ow, my brain), it's time to go find yerself a job (oi, I thought we were here to play, not work!). Hey, the menu works now. Kickass. Well, pick a job. Try Cargo Climb, sounds pretty easy.

O... K... so. We have to hit it with sticks to make it move. Sounds like my idea of a good time (also sounds like a violent psycho like me made this game ^<__<^;; Violence solves everything! ). Yaaaay hitting things with sticks! Keep hitting it until it jumps up into the air, at which point you might wanna try running to the side to avoid getting squashed. ^.__.^ Oww meh aching head. ^x__<^ Hmph, three minutes. Not my fault I kept hitting it sideways. ^>__<^ 10 munny?! Bah! ^>__<^ w00t, 36 seconds. ... whaddaya mean "Not bad"?! /fistshake! Let's try something else...

Let's see if Mail Delivery is any better. Jeeze, where the hell are these people? There's the bird, the dude in the green, the dude in the white, and the kid, what else? Oh, the other bird. Grind on the rail to get to him and press triangle at the right time. Man, that was annoying. 8.43 seconds, kickass. Hrm, Grandstander... let's see what that's all about, shall we? If this is anything like that Katz mini-game in Tales of Symphonia someone's getting set on fire... Ohhh, this is like that stupid Rare Truffle gig thing in KH. Man I sucked at that. Good luck, I have no tips for you here cept Lock-on. You can practice this one outside of the timed job btw.

There are more jobs in Tram Common, just go left to get into the area, then go forward and left to find the help adverts. OK, here goes nothing with Poster Duty. Agghh, four minutes. Don't ask me where they all are, even I can't tell you that. ^@__@^;; (*Note: There are more than 20 locations for posters). Bumble Buster ey? well, barring that, you can go beat up the bees for, like, two munny per group, but let's see how the actual job goes. Basically just lock-on and keep hitting them until they die. There's, like, six groups. Watch out, though, they do sting! (well they are bees, afterall) The Junk one takes a bit more strategy. Start from the corner on your right, facing the centre of the room, and take a whack at the first junk pile in front of you. That should destroy about half of them in one go.

Pick one yer good at and just keep going over and over. You really only need about 600g for Hayner to be like, that's enough, but you'll want more munny later on so why not just get it while you can. 2,000g should be good enough for now (basically once you reach 2k Roxas has pretty much had enough. You also get AP +2 for doing that, yey). ... he said "Sweet!" And here I thought only morons actually said that. *hangs head, shakes head from side to side* Uh oh, it's that guy you pissed off earlier with the stick. ^.__.^;; Orrrr not. Hrm. Well, there goes all yer hard-earned munny (AAAAAHHHH please dun keel meh!! You'll see later, I promise!). Real world? Wait... KH: CoM... wasn't Twilight Town... a figment of Namine's imagination? *ponders* Didn't she use Twilight Town to make Sora think she was the one he was looking for? *think think think* Well, all shall be revealed in due time...

More dreams, more DiZ, and some shots of Namine later, Roxas wakes up again. Wakey wakey shortcakey! Well, head for the station! Or... wha? Ack, Namine! Hello! *sweatdrops* Follow that girl! Holy... aaaahhhh! They're crawling out of the woodwork! ... literally! *bats at them with a tennis racket* You, on the other hand, take the manly way out... and run away like a little girl. Hey, it's Vivi! GIMMEH BACK MY STICK! ^>__<^!! ... fight the enemy my ass, we all know that stupid stick won't do anything! (*Note to you: Yer supposed to lose. I hate fights like this! ^>__<^!!) Namine shows up again, and you get transported to... Dive to the Heart? Well, again, choose what you like, but I'm going with strength. Heck, why choose the magic when we don't even have it yet?

Well, you heard the information box. Defeat all of the mysterious enemies! They're harder to hit than the Shadow Heartless but they're still pretty much cake. Yeah, after the door appears I'd recommend saving. Equip your new ability if you'd like, then head up the steps. Aaahhh, more Nobodies! Jeeze, it's not like Sora's Dive to the Heart much, is it? There they mostly left you alone. Here it's like battleground zero or something. Open the chest after defeating all the Nobodies, then keep going up and through the door (*walkthrough writer senses tingling* I sense a boss up ahead...). OK... that's two out of three times that I've been right. Am I good or what? (BetCHA wish I wasn't right so often, ey?) Well, go at it already!


Boss: Twilight Thorn
HP: 300
Strength: 5
Defense: 2
Attacks: Chain lightning, dark ball, physicals
Bonuses: +5 HP, Guard ability

... rrgh, ergh, hey, what gives? No fair, I call foul! Basically hit the triangle button like mad or you get hit pretty bad. When he falls to the ground, lock-on and pound away! When he gets up and starts attacking again, Reversal until you're near his head then smack away again. After enough blows to the head you get some HP balls but not much. Don't forget to use a potion when needed. After a couple more blows to the head you're back in restraints. Triangle time! This is a repeat of last time, so just lather, rinse, repeat and you'll do fine.

And then you get squashed by Mr. Really Big Nobody. Owwie. After a short confusing talk with Namine you get shoved into a black hole. Hmm, what's Hayner's problem? He's royally pissed at you for some unknown reason. Big baby.

Back with DiZ and his crony, he's pissed too. Must be a bad day all around. More dreams... HA! A SCENE FROM FINAL MIX! Man, you guys really missed out there. Too bad. Well, you can always read the walkthrough when I'm through with it. And now it's time for Struggle. Go buy some stuff at the item shop, since you seem to have magically acquired about 65g. ... and Vivi creeps me out. I think his hat ate my stick. :o( First off, though, challenge Seifer for an easy warmup. Basically just chase after him and keep attacking and he goes down faster than a cliff-jumper who forgot his parachute. Ha, didn't even land a hit on me! And that chick that's always with him is pretty. *goes gaga* Yay Fuu! Anyway, go do some (more) work to get some cash. I mean, what, Mail Delivery takes all of fifteen seconds each time, including loading time and countdown. It just gets tedious after awhile... holy crap, where to buy potions? The lady ain't takin orders. Oh well.

Talk to the dude in the ring to start. Even if you lose you get to try again. Just concentrate on smacking the hell out of Hayner, screw the balls, you're almost guaranteed to pick up enough just by beating the crap out of him. Next fight is Vivi vs. Seifer. Wow. Now we have to fight Vivi? ... but he's creeeeepy... *whiiiiiiiiiiines* You can beat up on Seifer again for practice if you'd like. Hey, it gives EXP, don'tCHA know? Ha, "kneel, loser" my ass, this is the second time I've beaten him without him landing a single hit on me. *has another premonition, that Vivi's gonna turn into a Nobody* Hrm... testing my psychic abilities here. We'll see what happens. Keep the same strategy as last time, beat the hell out of him like as if he were a really creepy piñata! You win!

Freeze frame, again. ... oho. Look who's the psychic one now, ey? There may be four of them, but these guys are still cake, despite their annoying habit of randomly becoming unhittable. Just lock-on to the nearest one, then once you knock him away, unlock, then lock-on to the nearest one, and repeat until they're toast. Oi, wtf. I thought we kicked Axel's sorry butt back in KH: CoM! What's he doing here? Oh, whatever, DIE!


Boss: Axel
HP: 105
Strength: 5
Defense: 2
Attacks: Fire
My current level:

Same strategy as Hayner, just go at him! If you can back him into a corner, you've got it made. He goes down pretty quickly.

Ha! He sucked in KH: CoM, and he sucks now. Eat my Keyblade, you respawning weirdo! DiZ shows up, Axel attacks, and... well... DiZ seems impervious to it all. After a huge headache, the world returns to normal, the maddening men are gone, and you've won the Struggle. Hooray? Vivi may have returned to normal, but he's still creepy. Yet again you may challenge the big-headed Seifer, and yet again he isn't worth anything but the EXP he gives. Well, get on with your fight against the Ansem look-a-like. Same strategy here, really, as with all the Struggle battles. He stands there doing nothing a lot, so it's not a very hard fight. He does land critical hits whenever he does hit you, so try to block as best you can, especially his spinning attack.

Ooooooh, passed by. Were you about to say something sir? Ahaha. You know, sitting up there... even I'd get vertigo. Oh, coulda seen that one coming... and not just cause I'm psychic either.

Woah, Kairi... does not look like Kairi. Guess she's all grown up now. And she forgot all about Sora. Hmph, women. Man, even her voice is different. That's... dissapointing. Man, Kairi, the answer is looking you right in the face! (Sora is Japanese for "sky") Man, I say man a lot. Oh, look, she remembered!

... you know, I really should've seen that coming. Really. Ansem is back! dun dun duuuuuun...

Fifth day... how many freaking days are there? I wanna get the hell out of Twilight Town already. Talk to Vivi outside to find out that Seifer's in the sandlot. You can beat up on him again for 13 EXP. Get to the station (exit by the garage, then through the glass doors) for another scene. Aww, Ansem stole your crystal. Too bad, so sad. (you know, more and more people keep showing up whom we've already beaten the crap out of. Who's next, Darkside? ^O__o^;; ) Anyway. Go down the steps to the end and hang a right to find a chest with a Potion in it. Don't forget to equip your new belt. Follow the trolly tracks to find Olette, then inspect the purple portion of the wall there. Ack.


Boss: Shadow Roxas
HP: 105
Strength: 6
Defense: 2
Attacks: physicals
My current level:

This guy is nothing like Shadow Sora. He's cake! Usual strategy works just fine here. Also causes you to block most of his attacks.

OK, so you win... but you end up on the floor? Right. What, not gonna tell Pence about your doppleganger? Isn't that one of the seven so-called wonders? Yep, it was. Well, go check out the tunnel, see what happens. Go all the way to the back, hang a right, then a left to get there. Augh, a shitload of Vivis! Man oh man...


Boss: Triple the Vivi, triple the fun, triple the creepiness
HP: 1
EXP: 1
Strength: 6
Defense: 2
Attacks: physicals
My current level:

Holy crap, whenever you attack them, more come out! Vivi's part rabbit! Treat em like Nobodies, lock-on to the nearest one, bash em, then lock-on to the nearest one, and so on.

The real Vivi shows up... or does he? Damn Nobodies. Well, there's another seventh wonder dissipated. Leave the tunnel and go left to find Hayden. Enter the alleyway near him and inspect the back wall. Oh jeebus! I was never good at dodgeball... remember to use your jump button to avoid these damn things and make your way to the back wall. Once there, hit triangle like mad to get this thing over with already! OK, go back towards the tunnel, but pass it and keep going straight into the next area. Investigate the bag at the top of the hill. Run towards it and just keep pressing triangle like mad until it's all over (if you don't, you'll hit a garbage can, which takes away HP). Doggy! ^~__~^ So that's where that kid's dog went. I thought as much. Return to the Sunset Hill area for yet another scene. Funny, Seifer, looking at you always ticks me off too. Maybe it's cause you're such a big loser. I keep beating your ass into the ground and you still act like you're the king of the world. *whacks him in the head with the stick*

Go ahead and save in yer secret spot or whatever, beat up on Seifer if you'd like, then use the back exit to get to Tram Common. Go forward, then right, jump up, then go through the hole in the back to get to the woods (again). Make your way through the trees to get back to the mansion. Long scene in which it turns out KH: CoM occured a year ago. And Roxas has an identity crisis. More scenes later and it's back with DiZ and Ansem. Dispose of Naminé? Meanies. ^>__<^ More flashbacks, and... Neo-Shadows? Man, I hate those guys. They're worse than Shadow Heartless. Ack, first he gives Riku a Keyblade, then he pwns him? Nooooooo, RIKUUUUUUU!!

*sigh* I don't know about you guys, but I am quite sick of these days. Woah. Looks like you've been turned into a ghost! Everything's all quiet-like... *sigh* More Nobodies, does it ever end? Oh, hey Axel. ... what, more fighting? Well, let's get it over with. This time the Nobodies have been upgraded from "mysterious" to "strange," not that it makes much difference in the end. Hey, look, a new enemy. Alright, something different for a change. I was starting to be rather dissapointed with this game. Whaa? Dude, Axel's frozen in place. *pokes him with the stick* Well, you heard DiZ... make your way aaaaaaall the way back to the stupid mansion. And I don't care what you say, Axel is cute. *hugglesh him* He my bishi now! *adds him to bishi harem* :oD

I am reeeeally wishing I had Dodge Roll... wait wait wait, Riku? That was the Soul Eater, wasn't it? ^<__<^;; Up the steps on the left is a chest with another Potion in it. At the back is another Potion for the taking. Go through the door on the first floor. The chest has an Elven Bandanna in it that increases defense. Leave, go up the stairs, and take the door on the left. Hey, look, Naminé's room. Woah, did they destroy her already? Man, that makes me mad. Let's beat up on this DiZ guy, he's really starting to piss me off. ... guess he's scared, cause he just left. Leave, and enter the last remaining door. Open the chest at the bottom for a Hi-Potion (a sign that things are about to get a little rough, maybe?). Go through the door at the back. More headaches... somebody needs some Aleve. Woah, violence. Maybe he needs some Risperdol instead. ^<__<^;; Through the doorway! ... are more Nobodies. Oh fer cryin out loud. Holy hellfire, Axel's pissed! ... Oblivion and Oathkeeper Keyblades? That's special.


Boss: Axel
HP: 345
Strength: 6
Defense: 2
Attacks: Fire, physicals
Bonuses: HP +5
My current level:

Go after him and smack him good. When he starts attacking back for real, start hitting triangle to do some major damage. Keep repeating this pattern until it's over.

Nooooo, my bishiiiiii... he's gone! ... again! Hopefully he'll respawn again this time around. ... right? Right?? Enter the door at the back. Hey, Donald and Goofy! Open the chest for another Hi-Potion then go through the door (what, and leave them behind??). DiZ is waiting on the other side. More violence towards inanimate objects... Finally! It's Sora! And King Mickey! Wait wait wait, why is Sora's voice different? And what the hell happened to Roxas? Guess we'll never know...